Final Term Examination

2009.11.18 (Wednesday)

Today suppose to be a schooling day, but I am absent as I will go for movie with my friends later. Actually I did not know why I will go with them as I am having a bad mood now.

2 days ago, Mr Goh has returned our Math-T Final Term Examination papers to us. Oh my God!!I have 58 out of 100!!!I thought I can at least get the marks started with heading of 6...Ya, although I am not the one that get lowest marks in class, so there will be people said that I should not be so unhappy since I am still better than some of them. But I want to say "I do not want to compare with others, and I also do not have such ability to be in the same position with those genius... I just want to reach my own target, I want to get my own aim... Like that also cannot?!! "

I am so down once I get the papers back... I was thinking 'Why?!!Why you try so hard, put so much effort on it but yet still failure?!! Why are you so stupid?!!! Since you did tried but stil get such results, if you relax like others do, you will definitely fail...' At that moment, I felt my heart was crushing... Really have a strong feeling to cry.. But I can still manage to facade in front of them, and luckily they leave early like normal, then only I have the chance to express it alone before I am going back home....

Then when I stepped out of school, one unknown people asked me "Adik nie tingkatan raper?" "Tingkatan6..." "Oww...Then good luck for STPM ya!!" "Eeer...Ya...Timer kasih..."...Heh... I wonder...I really wonder can I manage to reach that high level?? Can I?? I can never handle even lower six's syllabus, how am I going to take over the upper six's syllabus as it is much more tougher?? How???How??!!!!!!!

The strong feeling to give up Form6 studies reappear.... This feeling exist since the first step to this school, then it has become lowered as time passed... But now, it reappear!!! I did told myself "Lieong Sook Theng!!Do not dream again... You have no better choice...You can never pull yourself away from circle... Never!!"

Ya, it is true... I have to accept it no matter how fear I am... I have to.... Get ready yourself to face the more worsen results... Try to work harder... I do really hope myself can overcome this obstacle...

There is a message from my grandson which can bring me up a little bit... A little is better than none...Thanks...

*Take a break. Then come back lo. Not a big deal what. Today you fail but not means that you fail tomorrow. One have to fall down then only you know how to get up. Then only he knows the reasons he fall down and try to prevent from falling down in the same way next time.*